Skip to main content

Here's to Honesty!

This post might be more honesty than some of you are expecting, but I want to keep this as real as possible so here's to honesty!

Today is day 20 of my cycle. I have been religiously taking ovulation test and doing the every other day sex that doctor prescribed, however, I have not ovulated at all. I called my doctor this morning and she is passing me off to Dr.Stephanie Singleton with Georgia Reproductive Specialist of Atlanta. While on the phone with Dr. Huffman she explained to me that going from the 150 mg of clomid I'm currently on up to 200 mg just wasn't necessary and I needed to go see Stephanie. I called immediately and due to a wonderful coincidence (more like God-thing) they had an opening for Monday August 29th at 12:30pm. They want both Tyler and I to be there and we will start what I can only assume is another long list of test that needs to be done and all I can do is cry at just the thought. I'm not some project that if you experiment enough eventually you will find out a solution...I'm a person...a person who so desperately wants to have the possibility of being a mom and more importantly to me...allowing my husband the opportunity to be a dad. It's such a helpless feeling of not being able to do something that most woman can do and were created to do. I can't help but have a little pity party for myself right now. I know I said this blog was not a pity party for us...but right now...at this moment...I'm throwing myself the biggest pity party ever. Nerves, frustration, and disappointment seem to be the story of my life at this point. I know that God has an amazing plan and I know that I need to trust him, that's not new news for me. I love God with all my heart but at this moment I can't help but wonder what he is trying to teach me. I'm reminded of Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to PROSPER you and NOT to harm you. Plans to give you a HOPE and a FUTURE." I can only hold on to that verse right now and trust that God has his plan to make me better and to make my future full of blessings. I can't help but think maybe the plans God has for me is not to have a baby...as unbareable as that is to me...I am trying to look at this journey through every possible angle. Unfortunately, I don't know the EXACT plans God has for me, but I can rest assured that they are plans to better me and bring honor and glory to HIM...NOT me. Although I am quite sad at this point in the day, I do feel the Lord's presence and I do feel Him saying "Brit, it's ok...I'm here...whether you understand me or not...I'm here walking every step of the way with you." Just typing that brings a flood of tears. God is so good and I am determined that no matter how discouraged I am right now and no matter what the outcome may be I WILL continue to say "GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME AND ALL THE TIME GOD IS GOOD."
Thanks for reading this vent of a blog post. Not exactly like all the other ones...but it truly is honest...

Pressing on and seeking HIS glory,

      ~Brittany

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

One Month of Breathing Differently...

On October 17th, it will be one month since we received a text that changed our world. A text that told us the little boy we were growing in our hearts would no longer be in our arms. It’s been a month of questions, A month of wrestling, a month of tears, a month of silence, a month of wondering why, a month of trying to put pieces back together, a month of heart break, a month of hell on earth, a month of learning to breathe a little differently, a month of surviving, a month of being on our knees because standing was too hard, a month of being stuck, and a month of leaning into a Heavenly Father that right now...takes away. As I sit here in a quiet living room with just my thoughts reflecting over the last 30 days it’s hard to keep typing. Not because I don’t know what To type, but because It still hurts. Don’t get me wrong, we have more good days than bad right now, but the bad still hurts more than I can put into this blog. We think daily of this little baby boy....is he’s ok, is h...
Post a Comment
Read more

Even If you don’t, Our hope is YOU alone.

Monday (Sept 10th) started like any other day in our house...we woke up...late. Ate breakfast in the car and headed off to school. My parents were in town so when I got home from dropping the kids off my momma and I headed to the outlets to do some baby shopping. Walking into Carters again after years of being away was a dream. All the newborn/ 0-3 month clothes screamed at me. I could have taken every outfit home but settled on a handful and rushed off to meet Tyler at the field. We were heading to meet with our attorney and our birth mother to sign some “pre-birth” paperwork and to make sure everyone understood what each line meant and no questions were left unanswered. Everything was signed and we left with giant smiles on our face. Our little boy was due in two weeks and we were ready! The following days I had tried a couple times to get ahold of our birth mother. However, I got no answers. I didn’t think much of it because she admitted she is horrible at getting back with people. ...
3 comments
Read more

God’s Plan All Along...

TODAY, January 18th, we have been a family of 5 for 6 weeks....and TODAY is also our baby boy’s 12 week birthday!!!! I felt it was fitting to FINALLY share our story of Dax Ivan Griffin.  On September 17th, we lost the baby boy we “thought” God had for us. Since that day we have wrestled a lot. We wrestled with why God would give and take away...and why God called us to grow our family through adoption only to leave us hurt and confused. We had decided to hold off on finishing our paperwork for our adoption agency until the beginning of the new year. We wanted to get through the Holidays and then start the process fresh at the first of the year. However, God had a different plan. With that being said here is our attempt to share “God’s plan all along”.  Thursday, November 29th started like any other day. I woke up late...trying to get the kids dressed and out the door early because, they had school and I was working at the school that day too. We rolled in on two wheels...
2 comments
Read more